How Do We Respond? Understanding Conditioning and the Mind
“What is the way to respond?”
Life constantly presents us with situations—many of which appear as challenges. The instinct is to look for a way, a method, a response. But let’s consider this deeply. Suppose someone offers you a definite way to respond—what happens immediately?
That response becomes limited. It becomes something fixed. It enters your mind not as a fresh possibility but as a conditioned reflex. And once it is conditioned, it no longer holds the freedom or spontaneity that you might have been seeking in the first place.
You might say, “But I’m conditioned, so I can’t respond fully.” And you’re right. The moment a “way” is adopted, it becomes a construct shaped by past experiences, fears, and desires.
So then—what is a better way to respond?
Let’s explore.
Conditioning Doesn’t Announce Itself
What we call conditioning never arrives with a warning label. It doesn’t say, “Hello, I’m here to dominate your mind.” Instead, it enters silently, even attractively. It comes as a voice of safety, pleasure, or efficiency. It appears to offer something good.
That’s why we let it in.
The mind doesn’t absorb everything it encounters. It selectively retains what it deems important, based on its filters—past experiences, preferences, and perceived value. So when conditioning takes root, it does so because the mind found something in it worthy of preservation.
We forget most of our daily experiences. Yet we vividly remember a painful memory from a decade ago. Why? Because the mind decided that memory had value—perhaps emotional weight, perhaps utility. That’s how conditioning begins: not as a tyrant, but as a helper. Something seemingly useful that slips in quietly and becomes part of the framework through which we interpret life.
The Trap of Seeking a Method
So here’s the paradox. When you ask, “How should I respond?” and someone provides an answer, you’re likely to accept it willingly—after all, you asked for it. And because it came at your request, you trust it. You let it in without resistance. You give it space and importance.
And that’s precisely how it becomes part of your conditioning.
What was once a helpful idea becomes a rigid mental pattern. The mind stores it, reuses it, and before long, you’re no longer responding freshly—you’re reacting automatically. That’s how “ways” and “methods” slowly become constraints.
Resistance Is Still Attention
Now let’s look at how we deal with thoughts we don’t like.
A troubling thought arises. You resist it. You label it immoral, harmful, or limiting. But in resisting, you are giving it attention. What happens when you resist a thought?
You don’t dissolve it. You multiply it.
Initially, there was just one thought. Now there’s another: the resistance. And soon there’s a web—thoughts upon thoughts. The mind becomes crowded.
In trying to rid yourself of the thought, you’ve actually fed it.
All your reactions—likes, dislikes, judgments, avoidance—are just more activity of the same mind. You may think you are pushing something away, but in truth, you’re energizing it.
The Power of Non-Attention
Here’s a shift in perspective: What if you didn’t do anything with the thought?
Let it be.
Don’t resist it, but don’t welcome it either. Don’t feed it by labeling it or engaging with it. See it for what it is—a ripple in the mind, a movement that arises and fades.
Thoughts, like monkeys, swing only if you allow them to climb your back. Without your legs, they can’t move. Thought needs your energy to survive. If you stop feeding it your attention—positive or negative—it collapses under its own weight.
Living Without a Method
So then, how should we respond?
Without a “way.” Without a fixed method. Not out of habit or fear. Not based on past conditioning.
Let response arise in the moment, free and spontaneous. Let it come not from a remembered script but from presence.
Even if there’s a sense of constraint, don’t rush to fix it. Just notice it, without resistance. Often, it’s not the constraint that traps us—but our dislike of it.
To resist less is not to accept passively—but to stop feeding the very thing we wish to be free of.
In Conclusion
The mind thrives on patterns. Conditioning comes disguised as a friend but slowly occupies the space where freedom could live. The more you try to push it away, the more tightly it clings.
So instead of seeking another method, perhaps begin by observing the mechanism of seeking itself. Watch the thoughts. Watch the resistance. Watch the monkey.
And then… do nothing.
Let the mind settle. In that stillness, a deeper intelligence may reveal itself—not as a conditioned response, but as life responding to life.